Rat Palava

For our house we dey chop well-well,we dey chop. God don butter our bread, come sugar our tea.He don bless us so much with food sote all the domestic and international animals wey dey our house dey form Mofasa. Make you for take know say I nor dey lie, the rats wey dey our compound dey flex, dem be like bull dog. Our dogs? Dem be like Lion.Our chicken dem nko? Dem be like Kangaroo! All the food wey we eat remain naim dem dey eat. We sef be like puff-puff, our body dey shine, e dey shine pass 60 watts light bulb. If you never still believe me, come visit me for my house for Sekina street. Yes, things don dey better for our area now. Government don put Kolotar for our road, come cover our gutters well-well. No more mosquitoes, but the one wey manage show, for him small mind na London e dey.

Water no be problem for our area again after wetin happen to papa Blessing. If you wan know wetin happen to papa Blessing, you go meet with our tori keeper for naijastories here. The title wey the tori keeper give the tori na “Water Palava”,e get part one and part two. Na for there you go see how man use water take wicked him fellow man, and how water take show man say wetin Fela talk no be lie,say true-true, water nor get enemy.

As things take change sharperly for our korokoro eyes for Sekina street with surprise, na im the thing wey happen, wey I wan talk so, take shock me. If to say na another person e happen to,I for no agree with wetin I hear. But my people, the thing happen to me. I dey shake my head as I dey write so even sef my hand dey follow shake too. Oyinbo go say tremble. My people as ASUU dey strike- we nor kuku know who strike pass between dem and thunder,and PDP dey get new branch wey nor gree, plus Boko Haram wey no gree for our soldier people, na so the rats wey dey for our house too come dey para.
I been think say NCC don register all numbers for our country so security tight well-well. But na lie o, some people dey train demselves to scatter good things. As the country come nearly wan get k-leg, dey come sack me for my work place.Na him I join the new PDP declare fast for my house. One week fast o, just one week, make God show me my enemies dem.Na the enemy wey you know, better pass the one wey you nor know o. True-true my enemies dem show,dem show well! Who say God nor dey answer prayer? Papa God dey answer prayer well-well. But this prayer wey He answer, na strong ting,e pass my power.
Make I nor dey tempted to enter my neighbour house go chop free food, naim I comot go church go stay for seven days o. As I dey prepare to break my fast on the last day, make I for return to my house, na im I receive this call from Mr. Rat, Co-ordinator of the activities of rat in my room.Na so e introduce himself o.
With him tiny voice, “hello”, Yes hello, who am I speaking with?
Na Mr Oghene be dis abi?
Yes you are speaking with Mr Oghene, who is this please?
So you no recognize my voice abi? Na me your room mate Mr. Rat, the co-ordinator of all the rat runs for your room.
Jesus! You say what?I rebuke you!
Wetin you dey rebuke? Wetin you dey rebuke? Abegi, I dey on top your table now for inside your bedroom.
-I beg your pardon? Which room?
Which yeye beg you dey beg. And which yeye English you dey yarn? You never hala. See I never chop for the past 7 days wey you waka comot. You nor know say na your house be our secretariat for Sekina street?How secretariat no go get food? I check that place wey you dey put food I no see anything. I check the kitchen nothing. I even check your fridge no single food there.
-You got into my fridge?
keep quiet, I still dey talk.E be like say you no like yourself.So you wan kill me and my guys abi? Before you go kill us,we go don kill you first.You see as man dem wicked? No problem, my informants dem tell me say dem don sack you for work naim make food nor dey this house.But that one no be my business. Anyway, I just wan let you know say that your certificate wey dey inside your wardrobe wey dem write DELTA STATE UNIVERSITY I don eat the “DEL” comot. Remaining “TA” STATE UNIVERSITY. Let me see which work you go take”TA” State University find. Rubbish!!!
Hello,hello are you still there…
Na so Mr. Rat drop the phone o.
My brothers and sisters as una take shock, na so me take shock. I just dey shake for here. Una dey see wickedness! Where rat see phone? When rat start to dey talk? But how I go take shock reach again when things dey  wey dey shock man pikin dey happen everyday.Na speed I take begin to run go house.But wetin my eyes see as I reach house, no be wetin my mouth fit talk.I go tell una when my blood don come down.